Tuesday, October 18, 2011

ACOD Bill of Rights

I came across this blog the other day and found that the blogger, also an adult child of divorce, had written a bill of rights for other ACOD's. This was just too good not to share. 

We as adult kids of divorce declare ourselves independent of the drama
that you our parents have created and that society at large does not
understand. We declare ourselves separate entities in need of care and
focus as we watch the world fall around us. We recognize that as
family members there is some relevance and involvement, but we will
not own the issues that are unraveling before us nor will we be expected
to be completely removed. We expect that our independence will be seen
by ourselves and by you and that we will be respected as the
individuals we are.

Here is our Bill of Rights
We have the right to not be put in the middle. We love you both as our
parents and we have the right and deserve to have a relationship with
you both. If you want to fight it out do it directly, we will not
serve as pawns.
We have the right to our thoughts, feelings and needs as they relate
to the situation. Quit telling us to get over it or forgetting that
your actions affect us. We may not live with you, but we have our own
process to go through. Telling us to get over it will not get you
anywhere and will only hinder our relationship.
We have the right to be happy. Just because you're not happy doesn't
mean you have to wreck our lives.
We have the right to have opinions and expectations that they will be respected.
We have the right to focus on ourselves, we have needs as well and we
can not place all our energy on you and your crap. We know, you
changed our diapers but that doesn't mean we constantly have to take
your shit.
We have the right to raise our families with both of you being part of
it, if you can't be an adult you explain to the grand kids why you're
not there.
We have the right to privacy in our relationships with you, don't ask
us what the other parent did with us or told us. It's not our job to
report that, we have the right not to be alienated from either of you
and to function as people.
We have the right to be heard when it comes to being hurt by you. If
we are hurt or angry we have the right to address that with you so
that our relationships can move forward.

We have the right to be a priority. Our relationship with you is
really all about us as children to you. If we are getting married,
giving birth, graduating, whatever the occasion…the occasion is
about us. We have the right to have you both there with us. The same
goes for your grandchildren, if you can't handle it do not put us in
the middle.  (September 2, 2005)


mamazee said...

Awesome. This is what i feel. This is so hard.

MVroom said...

Thanks for your comment, mamazee! I'm sorry you can relate but it's good to know we're not alone.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, my parents didn't follow this "bill of rights" despite my practically begging for them to act like adults. Now they are both not in my or my daughter's life at all.
They chose to throw it all away for their new boyfriend/girlfriends and drama, now they have nothing.


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