Friday, December 23, 2011

Divorce Still Hurts...Even When You're an Adult

I came across this article the other day and was very pleased to see that people are recognizing the pain that adult children of divorce are put through. Not everyone acknowledges that fact (something I've discussed in other posts, like this one). It's something that should be acknowledged, especially since later in life divorces are becoming more common. There are more and more of us out there...and even though we're adults I don't think we should suppress our feelings and act like this doesn't hurt like hell.

The article raises an interesting question about how ACOD's view their own relationships. Do you find yourself questioning your own judgment and wondering if you'll turn out to be like your parents (as if it's somehow genetically ingrained in you)? I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder those things. I question whether the amount of fighting I saw throughout my life will impact my own marriage. Will I someday jump ship if things get tough? I say I won't now, but what about in the future? How will I handle it when things get really tough?

I guess we don't have all the answers. Some ACOD's may repeat their parents' mistakes, but you know what I think? I think most of us won't -- because we've seen a firsthand account of what happens when you let your marriage go. We've seen the pain and instability it causes. We've been there and felt it. And I can't imagine any of us want to put our own families through that.

So stay confident in the fact that your parents gave you a rulebook -- a rulebook of what NOT to do. It's just as valuable as if they provided a model marriage...but more painful.

I've talked before about Brooke Lea Foster's book "The Way They Are" and how helpful it was for me as an ACOD. I just came across another resource today that I definitely plan on checking out:

Have any of you read this book? I'll be curious to see what the adults have to say now about their parents' divorce. In fact, let me open this question up to the blogger world. Did your parents divorce when you were young? If so, how do you view the situation now? How have your views changed? Feel free to leave a comment below or send an email to

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