Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The End of Life As I Know It

Some people are surprised when their parents divorce. I can't say I'm one of them. Their separation and eventual divorce did not surprise me. I kept hoping it wouldn't happen, but deep down I knew it was over. There was no longer any desire to make it work and it was very evident in my parents' actions towards one another.

I keep trying to go back in time and pinpoint when I first knew my parents were having problems. It's hard to do. These problems didn't develop over night. And even though that should make me feel good, it doesn't. Instead, it makes me question my childhood and everything I've ever known. Was it all a lie? My parents had been married for so long, that I thought that meant they would stay together forever.

Did anyone else feel like their childhood had been a lie when they found out their parents were getting divorced? If so, how did you reconcile the old life you once lived and the new live you have now? Would love to hear some thoughts. And even if your parents aren't divorced but your life drastically changed as of late, I'd love to hear your thoughts too.

If you're like me, you're looking for support during this time. There are two blogs that you should check out (in addition to mine of course):

COD The Real War and Walking on Eggshellz. They both have great resources and great discussion. For me, it's helpful to know I'm not alone. There are others out there struggling with the same things. I hope it's helpful for you too.


Abby said...

Hey Michelle,
I read your blog whenever it pops up onto my Facebook wall(I love blogs!), and I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear about your parent's divorce. I didn't know them, but for some reason I'm always surprised when I hear about divorces. My parents didn't get divorced, but my life has drastically changed since the death of my mom 5 years ago. I know it's not the same, but it is still loss... Loss of the family you grew up with and everything you once knew as normal. I think that's a big similarity. Since five years have passed, a new kind of normal has set in for our family. It's not better. But I don't really expect that 'old family' anymore like I used to when she first died. It just takes time for the new normal to set in. I don't believe that 'time will heal all wounds.'. I'm not healed, and I never will be, but I'm coping. And that's all we can do. Just take the time to grieve your old family. Allow yourself to feel all those emotions, good and bad. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Cling to your brother and sister because chances are they're feeling the exact same way. Xoxo (PS- sorry this turned into a really long comment)

Anonymous said...

I felt that way, Michelle. My parents divorced when I was 16. Later I learned they'd only stayed together "for the children." They never fought in front of us and I had no idea anything was wrong. So I felt my "perfect" family had been a total sham. It took me a long time to work through relationship issues. I'm glad you're writing about this.

Anonymous said...

I definitely think more people have this. Not technically an ACOD, but a child of parents with an open marriage after my mom wants a divorce and my dad does not, I am shocked. I knew their marriage wasn't great, but I thought they'd stick it out as it was. Now I wonder what else I've been wrong about.

MVroom said...

Thank you all for your comments - I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. I've often wondered what else I've been wrong about or whether I viewed my childhood through rose-colored glasses. Now i think it's a little bit of both. I had a great childhood, but there were things I didn't notice or pick up on. I felt safe after a certain age because there's no way my parents could ever get divorced this far down the line...It's hard when those expectations crumble. Thank you for reading!


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