Monday, February 21, 2011

Suddenly it Hits You

Yesterday I was sitting in church and all of a sudden I started crying. It was absolutely nuts. I had no idea where the tears came from but they arrived in full force. The emptiness that I've often felt as a result of my parents' divorce came crawling back. And just when I thought I was doing so well!

That's the thing about a situation like this. You take two steps forward and then ten steps back. It feels like you're constantly fighting to stay afloat. You may have one really good day and then the next day is a really bad day. Your emotions are on a constant seesaw that seems like it will never end. It's exhausting.

I don't think there's any solution for this (or at least I haven't found one!) I think it's part of grieving and dealing with a situation that has changed your life forever. Honestly, sometimes I don't even recognize my life. It's like an out of body experience--I'm on the outside looking in at what my life has become. And it's scary. It makes me feel I'm always on shaky ground--never sure of what to expect next. My family is no longer a unit. The foundation I've depended on for 24 years has crumbled. And I'm not sure what to do with that. Your family is supposed to protect you and comfort you in times of trouble. So what happens when the issue is within your family? When you need to be protected from your own parents?

Lot's of questions...not alot of answers.

Has anyone else felt this way? I'm interested to hear how others have dealt with the seesaw of emotions. Any tips or tools for grounding yourself?

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