Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Taking My Life Back
I've made a decision.
I'm taking my life back.
From what, you may ask? From my parents' divorce and the depression it's caused me. I've lived life so consumed by their problems that I haven't truly allowed myself to life my life. I've been a lackluster wife, sister, friend, etc. Instead of embracing the relationships that I do have, I've been focusing on what I don't have: my parents as a unit.
I have got to move on.
The world hasn't stopped spinning because my parents got divorced. I'm still married, I still have a job, and I still have friends. Instead, I've let myself become consumed by the shock and grief of the divorce, until I'm reduced to just a shell of a person.
I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be happy, no matter what happens with my parents. No matter if they sell our childhood home, date, or get remarried. I can't keep letting their decisions impact me so completely. What about my decisions? What about the decisions that lay ahead for me and my husband? I'm unable to make those decisions if my mind is on my parents.
So to my husband, family and friends...I owe you an apology. I know you're not asking for one, but I'm giving it. I'm sorry for checking out of my life and out of yours. I'm sorry for not having the strength to be there for you. I'm sorry for forgetting that I'm needed. I know you miss the old me. I miss me, too. And I'm going to fight like hell to get the old me (well, maybe not the old me, but at least a new & improved version) back. I'm going to stand up and fight for the right to be happy. I've been fighting for my parents for so long that I haven't even realized it's the wrong battle. In fact, it's not even my battle to fight.
If any of you are in the same situation, I hope you'll fight too.