When your parents divorce, what's one of the first things you feel (besides the anger)?
Loneliness.
I felt this emotion pretty intensely when my parents divorced and have continued to feel it at certain times since then. Sometimes I feel like there's no one else out there like me. A twenty-something-year-old whose parents have divorced after many many years of marriage. Who's world has turned upside down. I even searched for books that would speak to what I was going through but didn't find too many directed towards ACODs (see my post here). Were there even any out there?
My blog has shown me how silly that question is. So many of you have come forward (whether through comments or email) and shared your stories. Stories that are very similar to mine, but also very different. Stories I resonate with. Stories that comfort me, because they teach me that I'm not alone. I've even had people from high school and college, people I haven't talked to in years, contact me to let me know that they too are going through something unexpected and painful in their lives. Even if they weren't dealing with a parents' divorce, my blog still spoke to them.
The truth is, none of us are ever alone. You'd be surprised to learn who is going through similar things as you...it could be anyone. It could be someone you've only spoken to once or twice or someone you see everyday. You never truly know what's going on in a person's life.
This blog has taught me that there are a lot of you ACODs out there. That unfortunately, the number of ACODs are growing (check out this article for more info on that topic). I now know that there are people out there who get what I'm saying. Who understand the complexity of emotions I've experienced and continue to experience. Who just get me.
Even if your parents haven't gotten divorced, you can likely relate to feeling out of control in an unexpected situation. We all go through different things, but some of the same basic emotions are there. Fear. Lack of control. Anxiety. Extreme sadness.
So if you're going through a parents' divorce or something else that's turned your life upside down, hang in there. Stay strong and know you're not the only one out there. Find support wherever you can. And be a support for others.
We're all in this together. Things may not get any better, but we can always become stronger.
3 comments:
After "meeting" other ACODs within the online world, I, like you, realize we are not alone. If I would have not had the benefit of sharing my experience and reading others struggles online, I only knew a couple people whose parents had divorced when they were adults. And most of them were in their 20's, and only one of them as old as me. It is so helpful to know we are not alone and to share what has helped us along the journey. I appreciate Tali , whose blog I first visited, and others like you , who have shared and helped us all. Thanks alot and lets not lose sight of how important it is to help each other. THANKS AGAIN!!
So glad I found you through Mademoiselle Michaels blog. My parents separated 6 months before my wedding and then divorced a few months after the wedding. Awful timing! I've learned so much from their marriage (which I thought was a good marriage) and have made such a stronger effort and made my marriage the best relationship I could ever imagine. Loving your blog!
Thank you Karen! So glad you found this blog & I hope it's been helpful to you. I'm sorry to hear you're going through something similar -- it's true that learning from your parents' mistakes can help you have a stronger marriage (although you wish you didn't have to in the first place!)
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