Monday, February 20, 2012

The "Right Person"

I read an article the other day that said something I had never heard before. Something pretty profound.

No one marries the right person.

Doesn't make sense at first, does it? We're taught that everyone has the perfect person out there for them. Their soulmate. We watch movies like the Notebook that teach us that you have a deep connection with only one person, the person who will make you happy forever.

But life isn't always like that. And I've never realized that until my parents' divorce.

I agree with the statement. There is no "right" person out there for you. There's a person that you connect with and share the same values with and choose to spend your life with. But even when you find that person and marry them, there's still a lifetime of hard work ahead. And I don't think people get that.

Were my parents the right people for one another? I've given this alot of thought since their divorce. And I have to say no. They weren't. They were like everyone else who's married -- they decided to spend their life with someone. They took a chance. And it didn't work out. But why? Because they weren't right for one another? No, because they decided the marriage wasn't going to work and they were no longer willing to put forth effort into something that wasn't lasting. Being right or wrong for one another didn't have anything to do with it.

People change throughout their lives. That's why it's hard to determine if someone truly is right for you or not. The key is: can you change together? Do you still want to be together and are you really willing to work at it? Those are the questions to ask, rather than if the person is right for you or not.

This is just my opinion -- I used to view marriage as black and white, but I think it's more complex than that. We're all more complex than that.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject -- leave a comment below or send an email to


Serenity said...

Maybe it is more about becoming and remaining the "right person" ourselves , individually, and within our marriage.

MVroom said...

Great point, Serenity! Do you have any tips for being the "right" person in the midst of a difficult situation such as a parents' divorce? How do you stay true to yourself (and your significant other) when your life is turned upside down?

Serenity said...

Being the "right person" for my husband before we were married and now after more than two decades has meant being more willing to look at my contribution, positive/negative traits, and put more "work" into being the best person, wife and mother that I can be, and not dwelling on whether my husband is or isn't the "right person" for me anymore or not. Our marriage is a blessing, because my husband does the same thing. We both have a desire to BE the best spouse we can be to each other and that is our focus. I guess this was important even before my parents divorced, and it remains important now, too!!


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