Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Did You See It Coming?

In many of my posts, I've talked about knowing that my parents' marriage was troubled. Although I was surprised by the way everything was handled and by certain actions that were taken, I knew in the months leading up to my wedding that my parents were not going to stay together. When a relationship is over, you can see it. You can see it in a couple's actions and in the way they speak to one another. You can feel it in the air -- something unexplainable, but palpable.

But what if you don't see it? What if you thought your parents' marriage was fine? Sometimes a divorce comes as a complete shock to the children. One day your family is moving along just fine and the next day, the foundation has crumbled.

I don't think one scenario is worse than the other. Either way, your life is changing in a way you never expected and didn't want. Whether you knew ahead of time your parents were going to divorce or it happened upon you suddenly, it still happened. And it's painful no matter what the circumstances.

Did you see your parents' divorce coming or were you completely blindsided? Do you think one situation is worse than another? Would love to hear your thoughts, so leave a comment below or email me at acod16@gmail.com.


Rachel said...

My parents are currently divorcing after 40 years of marriage. Neither myself nor my brother saw it coming at all. Even with hindsight looking back at my parents' behaviour towards each other over the past few years, I cannot spot enough that would lead me to say it was coming. The last 5 months since this nightmare began have been extremely painful.

Having said that, I don't think that having seen it coming would make it any the easier. The pain would still be there, I think.

I can see that some may feel relief actually that the relationship has ended - particularly if they have been watching it falling apart. There are glimpses for me of starting to feel that way. As I discover more, in between wondering whether actually it might be better not to know such details, I am starting to believe that it is actually better for my parents not to be together any longer. Perhaps I'm just catching up with the position someone who saw the end of the relationship coming was in at the time the relationship did end.

I suspect that you go through the same emotions but perhaps in a different order depending on whether or not you saw the end coming.

paige said...

They were horribly, painfully rude to each other & so obviously unhappy... but honestly? i *still* thought they would have humbled themselves & tried to figure things out - they had so much to stay together for (22 grandkids for starters!!)

MVroom said...

Rachel -- you make alot of sense. I can see how there would be pros and cons to knowing the end is coming and to being blindsided. There are times where I am relieved my parents are no longer together as well because there was so much fighting and tension in the home.

Paige -- it's such a shame when two people end a long-term relationship that has so much at stake.

Lucas Boles said...

Sometimes life does blindside you, and you have nothing else to do but deal with the consequences. In my opinion, cases of divorce happen because two people rushed into marriage without fully knowing each other. That’s why it’s always best to take the time to know each other first. Don't just jump into a relationship.

Amy DiToto said...

i know this is an old post, but my brothers and i never saw our parents' divorce coming. We always thought they were happy and worked through everything. We rarely saw them fight, they enjoyed the same things, went on vacation a couple times a year now that the house is empty... turns out my dad is unhappy and wants a divorce; he says there's someone else and, even though he isn't dating her, he wants to give it a try with her...that he's known her longer than my mom, and she's been looking for him over the past 10 years or so, since she got divorced. Unfortunately my dad decided to tell us right after I sent out my save the dates. left me wondering if they can't make it, how am i supposed to. it's like everything i knew, or though i knew, is wrong. i don't know if i'm angry, upset, confused, worried, or a combination of everything. i think if i had known it was coming, it wouldn't hurt so bad...just like when you know someone is suffering and then passes away, it hurts but it never seems to hurt me as badly.

MVroom said...

Hi Amy - I'm so sorry I haven't responded. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I saw my parents fight a ton, but still felt blindsided by the divorce. I felt like they had reached a certain point where they were married for enough years and there's no way they'd turn their backs on that. It hurt to be wrong. It also left me feeling a lack of confidence in my own marriage - not a healthy way to start out. But now, three years later, I've begun to put the pieces back together and try to move forward. That;s all you can do. You also need to allow yourself to grieve. Thank you for reaching out and if you ever want to talk further, feel free to email me at acod16@gmail.com.


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