Monday, February 28, 2011

"The Divorce Crazies"

My counselor used this term during our first counseling session. Frankly, it makes complete sense. When people get divorced, they go nuts. There was so much childish fighting, that sometimes you feel like you're the parent. It's a very strange dynamic--your parents make bad choices and you tell them how disappointed you are in them. It's something I'll never get used to--and truthfully, I hope I don't ever get used to it.

This is apparently a very common situation in divorce. Parents get wrapped up in their problems and forget how to be parents. They spend so much time fighting and saying who's wrong and who's right that they lose sight of what's really important: their kids.

So what do you do when you're acting like the parent and your own parents are making bad choices? How do you deal with their childish behavior while still keeping in mind that they are still your parents? I'm not sure how to reconcile the two dynamics. But I do know that the "Divorce Crazies" make us ACOD's feel unsettled and only further emphasize the feeling that our foundations have been stripped from us. It'd be a little easier if I was a child when all of this was happening. At least I would still need to be taken care of. But the fact that I'm an adult makes me feel like my parents don't worry about me as much. "She doesn't need us anymore...she's on her own now. She's married and has her husband to take care of her."

I still do need them, though. That's what they don't realize. I need their support and yes, even their attention, during this time of my life. I still need them to be parents.

Has anyone else dealt with this situation when their parents divorced? Did it ever get better after the divorce was finalized? How did you stand your ground and keep yourself from being brought down to their level?

1 comment:

Mike Clark said...

Gosh, my parents also went through divorce when I was nearing my 20s, though I still am able to visit my father (I'm living with my mother after the divorce), the feeling of being having your family separated still had a significant effect on me, but I think it is for the best.

Also, I never held a grudge to both of them due to the lawyers visiting my mother for the case, since even though my dad was very loving to me, and I know that it was best for my mom to be divorced with the help of the Kanata, Ontario family law due to the crumbling relationship of those two.


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