Thursday, March 3, 2011

Picking Sides

Unfortunately I'm not talking about this kind of picking sides...

I've read alot of stories from other ACOD's (that stands for adult children of divorce) and I'll be honest...I'm not sure which is worse: having one parent do the leaving or having both decide to leave. In my case, both of my parents decided on the divorce.

It's been hard because there's not one parent I can confide in. Both have distanced themselves from our family as they deal with their issues. It's not like I can call one of them up and share with them how hurt I am. And that really hurts.

However, I do see how it could be difficult if one parent just up and left. Then you'd almost be forced to pick sides. You'd most likely identify with the one that stuck around and hate the one that didn't. It's almost worse to pick a side because then you get sucked into the emotions of the parent that you sided with. Tell me if I'm wrong, here. I'm curious to know if those who have sided with one parent feel just as lonely as me, whose parents both decided to end the marriage.

Or perhaps both situations are equally awful. Maybe ACOD's are thrust into the middle no matter what the situation. Maybe we are always going to be asked to pick sides. But at least that's one thing we have control over: we don't have to.

Would love to hear from those of you who experienced one parent leaving or cheating...did you feel like it was more difficult to side with just one parent? Are there any like myself who experienced both parents giving up on the marriage? If so, do you feel more lonely as a result? As always, feel free to post anyonymously.


Anonymous said...

I chose my mom's side because my Dad left/cheated. As it worked out, I would've have rather not picked a side at all. When picking my Mom I thought I would still be able to talk to her like I used to and we could both help each other through this. Was I wrong! It became about how she was feeling and how I didn't know what she was going through (except I did... I sat with her nights on end while she just cried) and I couldn't feel her pain. I literally just rolled my eyes as I'm writing this. My Dad didn't care - refered to me to my Mom as "your daughter" not "our". Painful but at the same time I was so angry with him I didn't care. Eventually my mom and I had a blowout and we were finally able to sit down and talk about what each other were going through. It helped but no matter which side I think I would've picked it would have been a selfish-fest on the parents part. As hard as it is, it IS very possible to stay strong through all of it. You have to just think of you. While that sounds bad, that's what they're doing essentially. You also have your siblings. The three of you need to think of the three of you.

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