Thursday, August 4, 2011
Caution: Minefield Ahead
Those of us whose parents are divorced are quite familiar with landmines. Not the literal landmines, but the landmines that exist in the many tense conversations that inevitably take place between our parents.
When my parents first announced their divorce, I thought, well, at least the fighting is finally over. Unfortunately, that's not always true. I know there will be more arguments, and there have been, especially in the midst of a divorce.
I've had to change my thinking throughout all of this. I used to think of my parents as a unit. If one knew something, the other knew it as well. Now I have to be careful what I say. Everyone's emotions are heightened right now and feelings get hurt easily. Sometimes I feel like I have to censor myself around my parents. So weird.
The best thing I can think to do is focus on each parent as an individual and not in the context of the divorce. To be honest, in some ways it feels like I'm getting to know my parents all over again. Maybe I am. After all, everyone's changed as a result of the divorce.
But I still worry about those landmines. I still can't feel completely comfortable sometimes. I guess that will go away with time. In the meantime, if I see a landmine, I'm getting out of there!
Can anyone else relate? How did you deal with the landmines that came with your parents' divorce?