Tuesday, August 2, 2011
How do you talk to your parents when you want to punch them in the face?
Now before you react, I promise that I'm not a violent person. And I certainly don't condone punching your parents in the face. Sometimes you just have to inject a little humor into the situation :)
The truth is, when your parents get divorced, sometimes you do feel like punching them in the face. Slapping them upside the head and telling them that they're out of their minds. It's a gut reaction and definitely not one you'd want to act on. Probably wouldn't help the situation.
But how do you talk to your parents when you're so angry and upset over the situation that you're seeing red? How do you carry on a normal conversation with them when all you can think is, you guys will never be together ever again.
It's tough and there are no easy answers. It just takes time. Yes, I know...it seems like everything takes time. We're all sick of hearing that, aren't we? But it's a delicate situation. Your life has been completely uprooted. It feels like your parents have betrayed your family (and in some ways they may have). It's enough to make any grown adult angry.
My advice? Take some time away from the situation and yes, from your parents. It seems harsh, but you need to regroup and process what's happening. If you try to talk to your parents immediately after, you'll fall into the child-becomes-the-parent trap. You'll spend your time trying to convince your parents they're wrong. Trying to get them to see things your way. This will only serve to make you angrier (and perhaps make you continue to wish you could punch them in the face).
It's only through hard work and lot's of patience that you can begin to rebuild your relationship with your parents. At times it will seem like you've taken a hundred steps backward. But the truth is, your relationship is moving forward, albeit at a slow pace. Just make sure you're enforcing your boundaries. What are the boundaries? Only you know and can enforce them. (Check out one of my blog posts about setting boundaries). Don't be afraid to tell your parents where your boundaries lie. They need to respect them. And if they don't? Cut the conversation short and retreat to a safe place.
And if you ever do feel like punching your parents in the face, don't fight it. I'm not saying you should punch your parents in the face, but try punching something else instead. Preferably not another human :)
Would love to hear from all of you! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to share your story or respond to any of the blog topics. And of course, comments are always nice too!