I was listening to Delilah on the way home from getting massive amounts of stuff at Target (ahh...new clothes)! I don't typically listen to Delilah or 100.7 for that matter, but my stations had commercials and I needed some soothing music. I turned on the station right as Delilah was reading a letter from one of her listeners. It was from a man and written about the love he and his wife still share after 25 years of marriage. He said that he and his wife have been through hard times, but still get excited about being with one another and have worked really hard to stay in tune with one another. He went on to say he loves her more than anything and loves the life they've built together.
This made me tear up for a few reasons: 1) my parents don't have that joy anymore (not to say they won't experience joy ever again, but I always thought it would be with one another forever) and 2) this man's letter showed me that there are still people left in the world who have stayed committed to their marriages and to making it work, no matter how trying their situations they are. I wish I could thank that man in person. I wish I could thank him for showing all of us out there (especially us that are new to marriage), that there is hope for happiness, despite the fact that divorce seems to be everywhere we turn. That good can come from working hard and continuing to communicate with one another.
Instead, I'll thank him here. Thank you for staying committed to your wife and your family--I was truly inspired by your letter and will strive to ensuring I build that kind of life with my husband.
When I first began noticing my parents' downward spiral, I immediately wanted to save them. I wanted to snap my fingers and have them see the error of their ways. I wanted them to see what they were doing to our family, hoping they would turn things around, get counseling, and end up living 30+ happy years together.
Sadly, that never happened. For awhile, I kept hoping that my parents would get back together. They gave us many reasons to believe this, especially when they announced they were separating but still intended to work things out. I talked to both of them individually, trying to get them to see that getting back together was the best thing for them and for our family.
Now, I don't know that I still believe that. Don't get me wrong--I am truly distraught that my parents have chosen this path. It's not what I envisioned for my family and I know it will make our lives much more difficult in the end. But, I've also realized something important.
The divorce isn't what I'm most angry about.
I'm actually most angry at the fact that my parents let things get to this point and that a divorce became an option. I think if we truly examine our situations, many of us ACOD's will discover the same thing. While we're frustrated and upset by the actual process of divorce, our anger came into the picture long before the decision to divorce was made. Our anger was planted as we watched our parents fight (or ignore each other), as we watched them continue to move away from one another day after day. Even if the divorce came as a surprise, many of us saw signs beforehand. And even if we didn't and were completely blindsided by the divorce, we're still angry that our parents actually got to the point where divorce became an option.
My parents getting back together wouldn't have solved their problems or made me any less angry. Because what I'm really mad about is that they couldn't make things work.
