Sunday, March 13, 2011

Dealing With The Real Issue

When I first began noticing my parents' downward spiral, I immediately wanted to save them. I wanted to snap my fingers and have them see the error of their ways. I wanted them to see what they were doing to our family, hoping they would turn things around, get counseling, and end up living 30+ happy years together.

Sadly, that never happened. For awhile, I kept hoping that my parents would get back together. They gave us many reasons to believe this, especially when they announced they were separating but still intended to work things out. I talked to both of them individually, trying to get them to see that getting back together was the best thing for them and for our family.

Now, I don't know that I still believe that. Don't get me wrong--I am truly distraught that my parents have chosen this path. It's not what I envisioned for my family and I know it will make our lives much more difficult in the end. But, I've also realized something important.

The divorce isn't what I'm most angry about.

I'm actually most angry at the fact that my parents let things get to this point and that a divorce became an option. I think if we truly examine our situations, many of us ACOD's will discover the same thing. While we're frustrated and upset by the actual process of divorce, our anger came into the picture long before the decision to divorce was made. Our anger was planted as we watched our parents fight (or ignore each other), as we watched them continue to move away from one another day after day. Even if the divorce came as a surprise, many of us saw signs beforehand. And even if we didn't and were completely blindsided by the divorce, we're still angry that our parents actually got to the point where divorce became an option.

My parents getting back together wouldn't have solved their problems or made me any less angry. Because what I'm really mad about is that they couldn't make things work. 

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