It doesn't seem like anything lasts forever anymore, least of all marriage. Which is ironic, since it is a vow you take in front of God, your family, your friends, etc. But somehow that doesn't stop people from separating. They just don't have what it takes to make the marriage work. But why?
Statistics are high and continuously growing higher. But what's even more scary is that the risk of divorce increases by 50% if one spouse ( just one), comes from a divorced home. I've been thinking about that alot, and if I'm honest, I feel guilty. Guilty for my husband. Guilty because I'm the one bringing the baggage into the marriage. What if I'm the reason it fails?
I know it's not good to think like that. But honestly, what ACOD (adult child of divorce) can't help but think of his or her future and how it will be impacted? I'd be lying if I said my faith in marriage wasn't a bit shaken because of my parents' divorce. They were married for almost 30 years.
I had a bit of an unusual situation in that I was watching my parents' marriage fall apart while I planned my own wedding. Talk about uplifting. It took everything I could not to let their problems make me second-guess my decision or ruin my day. Did it make the planning process a whole lot less pleasant? Absolutely. And that still makes me mad. After all, that's a time I can never get back.
However, I do believe there's an upside. I believe that watching what happened to my parents and seeing the mistakes they made increases my chances for a happier marriage. I've seen firsthand what happens when a couple doesn't communicate effectively and doesn't work at their marriage everyday. So I know what not to do. But does it make things any less scary? Heck no.
So I simply have to hope. Hope that I can be different. Hope that I can break the cycle of divorce that has run rampant in my family for three generations now. Hope that my husband and I can find the strength to work at our marriage every single day, no matter how much we may not want to. Hope that I never have to put my kids through what I've been through. Hope. That's what gets us through most of life, doesn't it?
Feel free to share your experiences. I would love to hear if any other ACOD's have struggled with thoughts about their future and fears that their marriage won't work out.
*And in case you were wondering...yes, those are my rings in that picture taken at my wedding :)